UW Study Abroad PI: My Conclusion after the Conclusion

I’m not going to lie, my mom is going to be disappointed with me. Actually, that’s not true. My entire family would call me foolish for even thinking it. As a matter of fact, let’s throw in the entire East Asian community and that will accurately sum up the souls ready to kill me for what I have decided after my study abroad experience. But before I get ahead of myself, let me begin with what I have learned during my 6-week study here in the Philippines.

1. The toilets need 2 tabo (small buckets) to fully flush.
2. You know you’re in a fancy restaurant when the bathroom has toilet paper.
3. Contrary to popular belief, the Filipinos are never hot. The AC is in full blast wherever there are four walls.
4. Never leave food on the kitchen sink if you don’t want to party with the ants and cockroaches.
5. Say goodbye to the no-showering-everyday rule.
6. Signs that don’t make sense are everywhere. Example: “No human being allowed here.”
7. Say hello to 10 cashiers waiting to do nothing behind the check-out counter.
8. Jose Rizal is not the national hero, Pacquiao is.
9. Whitening products is a religion.
10. Standing by is taken literally. As in people stand or sit outside their houses and do nothing for a good 5 hours.

Alright, now for the less interesting stuff…

Colonial Mentality

For those that have never had the opportunity to visit this place, let me warn you, it’s not all coconut trees and exotic girls. The truth is, the Philippines is dying from an unofficial, unspoken war against each other. We can blame the Spaniards, the Americans and even the Japanese for rudely invading our country, but wherever the bottle lands, we are ultimately the people responsible for our own extinction. In this war languages are being killed, spaces are being devalued; people are being discriminated upon.

I am unfortunately conscious as I watch my very family denying who they truly are and where they came from. What’s wrong with being from the Visayas region? What’s wrong with speaking another language other than English and Tagalog? What’s wrong with growing up in the province?

“Hell yah I can speak three languages!”…is what they should say instead of struggling to hide their accent and pretending as if they never struggled to get where they are at now. Just yesterday I heard my sister (the one who lives here with my father) say that she has to constantly hide the fact that she’s bisaya and from the province, afraid that her classmates in college will start making fun of her.

….Forgive her father, for my sister knows not what she says…

How in the world can I blame her when the rest of my family here is laughing with her at the thought of being “found out”? Ay! Peter Parker’s uncle was right—with great power comes great responsibility and I, having the knowledge that what she’s been taught all her life is the result of colonial mentality must either suffer through all the foolishness or rock her world with the truth. This is the reason why other countries have little or no respect for us in the first place. It is because we depreciate the value of our own people. People from the north think they’re better from the people in the south. The south hates the people in the north because they know what they think of them but they still try to migrate there despite this fact. Reynaldo Ileto comments in his “The Philippine American War” article that the Filipinos are constantly “shifting identities, allowing oneself to bend with the wind like a bamboo.” Santiago Bose’s “Baguio Graffiti” article illustrates this shifting of identities when he wrote about his own experience as a boy growing up post Philippine-American War. From hairstyle to choice of music, everything was Americanized. Up until they were harassed by American soldiers, all he wanted to do was look just like the people who oppressed his own people for many years. The essence of being a Filipino is quickly vanishing because we are always self-conscious about our social status. We want to be like the “elites”—look like them, act like them, and speak like them. We are easily swayed by the uneducated opinions of others. In my very first blog, I concluded that we must remember our roots in order for us to make peace with ourselves. I stand by that even now. Our skin, the way that it is, is beautiful. Our native tongues are just as important as the English language. Our provincial beginnings are something to be proud of, not something we should be hiding.

A man asked me where I was from and I said I told him I was from the Visayas region. His reply was so offensive and ignorant I couldn’t help but lecture him. He half-jokingly commented that he didn’t know that there were beautiful girls from the south. Uhm, excuse me!!!! Who do you think you northern people are??!! Fortunately, I maintained my cool and gracefully replied that all Filipinas are beautiful. He simply smiled back and that’s when I walked away. That’s the kind of aggressiveness and pride that Filipinos have to have in order to fully extinguish this colonial mentality. We end up having wars against our own kind and for what, so that we can have feel better about being second class next to the white Americans? Screw that! I would rather be true to myself and be first class in the human race.

Miseducation of the Filipinos

Allan Bernardo wrote in his, “The Paradox of the Philippine Education and Education Reform,” article that the Americans utilized education as a form of lifetime bondage to their ways. We wanted to be educated to be politically liberated but what we got is the still-existing American form of government. There are strong allegations that the Philippine presidents have only been serving as puppets to the American presidents. Whether this is true or not, it is undeniable that the American government has strong influence in our government system. We are dependent on their command and on their decisions. Former president Gloria Arroyo had “special relationship” with the former president George W. Bush, evident from the media coverage I watched alongside my grandmother when I was only eleven years old. They worked closely with each other so there’s no doubt that the current president is also working with president Barrack Obama on who knows what. The point is, education was used against us so that we would always be the “little brown brothers” willing to aid their American expansionism ideologies.

Renato Constantino in his, “Miseducation of the Filipinos,” article recognized this treachery and wrote: education is the best weapon for colonial conquest. In my third blog, I proposed that we must fight education with education. Instead of teaching our children the American textbooks, undo the damage and educate them the unedited version of the Philippine history and its glory. To them we are merely savages and barbarians. Let’s change history to portray the truth. With that, our people will easily develop pride in their origin and their nationality just as I have.

Mass Migration of the Filipina Women as Domestic Helpers

“Migrant Filipina Domestic Workers and the International Division of Reproductive Labor,” by Rhacel Parrenas explains the reasons why there are massive migration of women, specifically Filipinas, to foreign countries only to serve as a house maid. In my fifth blog I wrote about my personal experience with this topic, having a mom that went abroad, worked as a caregiver so that she can send money back to her family here in the Philippines. Filipina women sacrificing themselves (sometimes subject to physical, mental and sexual abuse) to keep their family alive has become a necessity instead of an option. While the men go to Saudi Arabia to find manual labor or become jeepney drivers, the women have the hard job of leaving their own children and home to care for another woman’s children and her home. “The Global Trade in Filipina Workers” by Grace Chang exposes the mistreatments that these women have to go through on top of being emotionally shattered. What’s more scary is that some fall victims of human trafficking. The desperation for a better life has only increased and the price is the lives of our women. We try to make it sound better by calling them “new heroes” but what’s really happening is that our country is filled with broken or incomplete homes. Without a mother and a father to care for their children and tend to their own homes, the chance for a child’s successful growth dramatically decreases. A child will end up doing exactly what he sees his mother and father doing. And the cycle will only continue through the generations. The Philippines is stuck in a limbo that is almost impossible to get out of. All that there is left to do is pray that our country prospers economically so that our houses will turn into homes with families that live together.

Personal Benefit

Immediately after my interview for the first ever, Philippine study abroad program I blogged. I wrote to capture my unedited thoughts and expectations—to have a point of reference in the changes of my thoughts and perspectives (if any) after the completion of the program. Just as I planned, I revisited my personal blog after 3 months and found that first: the idea of blogging was brilliant but that I am horrible at writing and second: my experiences (hands down) far exceeded my expectations in what I didn’t know would be the best time of my life. The blog consisted of my tendency of being a cry-baby in interview situations, how one interviewee was 20 minutes late and the other inappropriately dressed, and lastly, how incredibly excited I was that this program provided an opportunity to travel all over the Philippines. Little did I know that traveling would be the least important gain I would take away from this experience.

New-found love and pride for motherland, Philippines

It was the first time I spoke it out loud and it sent chills down my spine. The same determination that led me all the way to the finish line in this study abroad program resurfaced in my unthinkable decision that many might judge as plain stupidity. My decision was sparked from our visit to the island of Boracay where I witnessed God’s most subtle demonstration of his imagination and creativity—the undocumented, ever-changing yet expected display of the Philippine sunset. I stood there in awe and inspired. Maybe it’s the taste of being a Filipino in every bite of my banana cue for merienda (snack time) or the never-tiring, sweet, mango-flavored juice or maybe it’s that rare visit of the ocean breeze cooling my skin from the endless humid air of the Philippines but the spark was already lit and it is only growing stronger and stronger with every day that passes by.

In front of our beach house in Mactan, I declared my decision to my sister with a definite tone. The words rolled out of my mouth unexpectedly…

“I’m coming back once I graduate and live here.”

I realized that my feelings for this country are parallel to the way I saw the 6 different “second oldest” churches while driving through where my parents bore their first child together, Bohol. I explained to my sister that my love for the Philippines is like the way a man appreciates the beauty of an antique church. Its imperfections are perfectly displayed for everyone to see—its deteriorating walls, shedding paint, crumbling infrastructure, broken and creaky doors, dust-filled windows. But those imperfections are the very reasons why the building as a whole becomes more precious; it is those “ugly” features that define the building and make it distinct from all other buildings. The Philippines is my antique church. I realized that all the while I’ve only been pointing out the shortcomings of my country, the problems that need fixing, the obvious things that everyone can see. But the longer I stay, the more I have the opportunity to look pass the external appearance and fall in love with the real Philippines. It is because I now see all the unpleasant reality that I am more able to appreciate its neglected and many times, unrecognized beauty. And it is for all these reasons that I have decided to change my course in life and pursue my new-found passion—to serve my own people in my own country.

I may disappoint my mother who worked so hard to bring me to the states so that I can have a better life, or the father I have not seen in many years who finds pride in saying that his daughter is from America, or my cousins who only dare to dream about being in my shoes. But knowing what I know now from this study abroad experience, I cannot possibly ignore my burning desire to do something about the conditions in my own country no matter how hopeless I think it may be. And I do, I think it is hopeless and that maybe I will never live to see the changes many of us so desire to become a reality. But to me, the crime is to ignore what I have learned and pretend as if the problems here stops right when I return home to Washington.

Group Dynamic

Angelo’s awkward moments

Dear John’s diary

Magdalena’s signature pose

Mariana’s “What is this?”

Mimi’s awesome blogs

Steph’s mean muggin’ face

Terence’s model-like poses

Travis’ “I’m Down” attitude

Leah’s magical bag

Third’s “Shut it down”

Frank’s connections

Chard’s cellphone

My banana cue cravings

And just like that, our study abroad experience (like all good things) came to an end.

Lighting our candles for our wishes to come true outside a church in Cebu

But before the dust blew away with the Philippine breeze, our flame undeniably grew with each diverse experience we were exposed to all through the journey of this study abroad opportunity. One would say that our hike to the seemingly endless stairs at Batad rice terraces, our bath (complete with shampoo) in the majestic falls behind the mountain, John’s successful termination of six cockroaches in our stead at Baguio City, our bruise-filled exposure in the arts of Arnis , crash-landing in Boracay, shutting down clubs, group meals at different restaurants every three hours, and loooong, skin-to-skin van rides to our destinations surely became the reasons why our group developed a “homie” vibe with each other. The truth is, it was those quiet but brilliant, early morning jogs in UP campus; that rare, shared appreciation of the breath-taking sunset tinting tangerine on our skin; those late-night conversations that go until four in the morning—sharing secrets, past hurts, weaknesses, embarrassing moments, future hopes and dreams; wiping snots with bear hands on our classmate’s face when they were feeling homesick; standing up against a French guy who disrespected one of us; literally pushing that girl away because they had a lover back in the states; taking the initiative to take a picture because they knew the other is too shy to ask; walking all the way to the market to get food for the both of you because the blog is due in 16 hours and there’s no time to waste; sitting on the white beach sand of Boracay, relishing the stars above, the sound of the ocean lapping nearby and the company of one another—those, those are the moments that made us more than just classmates in a study abroad program. What once was a room provided for strangers to meet in time developed into friends in a “balay.”

Group sleepover complete with mattresses and holy men in the back

Each one of us was chosen to be the first to embark on this unknown territory because somehow the staff knew that we would complement each other’s different personalities.

Third, the program director, was the man behind the curtain that made everything happen. Without his dream, drive and perseverance, we would have never had this incredible opportunity. Because of this program, many are able to get back to their roots, re-discover their homeland and for some, better understand the conditions and needs of the people in the Philippines. I also appreciate the fact that he was able to switch roles from a teacher to a “homie” that we could chill with.

Frank, the program coordinator, had limitless contacts in the PI that allowed us to explore the many different sides of the Philippines—the good, the bad and the beautiful. Our excursions were smooth-sailing because he knows of somebody that knows somebody that knows a friend. He was the family sensei when it came to the fun but safe places to be in Metro Manila during our down time. Frank introduced us to places we couldn’t help but come back to over and over again. His presence wasn’t only a pleasure to have, it was undoubtedly much needed.

Leah, the co-instructor, became more than just a teacher to us. She was like the mother figure that we didn’t know we needed until our immune system came crashing down. She was there when my sister and I were sick and I’m sure for the others as well. She carried the magical bag that had literally everything we needed from mosquito repellant to hand sanitizer, from Advil to the much needed toilet paper. Her preparedness definitely got us through some rough times and we could not have survived without her being there.

Chard was our local coordinator who helped navigate our way through the busy and confusing streets of the Philippines. Although he doesn’t say much, his joy of being a part of our trip shines through the immense amount of pictures he takes of just about anything and everything. I’m certain that once we are all settled back in our homes in Washington, his photos of the most random things will be greatly appreciated.

John was the person many of us admired. His passionate aura was contagious and that’s why we always wanted to be around him. He inspired some to write more, some to speak their mind, and some to do a random act of kindness to one person everyday. But the best part about John is that no matter who you are, he never discriminates.

No matter what was going on one can always expect Magdalena to be the calm one. With our hectic schedules and everyone showing up late for most of our trips, someone like her was needed to have on board. Maybe it comes with age or maybe she just possesses patience that most of us don’t have but I’m more than glad that her calm approach to everything was visible and that it carried over to some of us.

Mariana was a delight to have because of her curiosity. She was the one always asking what something is and that allowed for my sister and I to test what we know of our own country. Although El Salvador and the Philippines are somewhat similar in many ways, her boldness to learn about the Filipinos is commendable and I admire her for trying something outside of her comfort zone.

Travis’ attitude was refreshing. His answer for everything was, “I’m down,” which quickly became the study abroad motto. His outgoing and chill personality was contaminating and energized us to do more than we expected ourselves to do. But to me, the thing that stood out the most is the way he chooses to stop in the middle of a jog just to appreciate the beauty that surrounds him.

Terence became the effortless model and surprisingly, clown of the study abroad program. He was very open minded about all the things we were learning and that drove me to want to learn even more about my own country. He was also a source of endless, clever remarks that never failed to make all of us laugh. Best quotes from the study abroad go to Terence.

Angelo was the “B-boy” in the house. A trend setter with a mature mind and a playful heart, he added an essential feature in our group dynamic. He may be well-known for his headstand poses in front of the most breath-taking places on earth but one will discover that he is more than the amazing dancer that he is. A “seize the moment” and a genuine friend kind of a guy, this trip would have been much different without his presence.

Mimi was known for her outstanding blogs but even more for her eagerness to learn beyond the classroom walls. She took time in getting to know each and every person in the program which allowed her to have a more personal relationship and gain respect from the rest of the group. I know that her willingness to be vulnerable opened up doors for others to do the same.

Steph was the one to rely on. Whether we needed a companion or the weekly readings, she was always there to provide. Her sweet, down to earth personality was much needed to balance the atmosphere in my sister and I’s shared dorm. Not only was she able to have a tight relationship with the girls, she became a bro to the guys as well and that’s something not everyone is able to do.

As the youngest member of the group I offered my positive attitude and upbeat personality to liven up the group dynamic. It was exciting for me to show my classmates the different sides of my country and share with them my personal experiences. I hope that my presence was able to help out some of my peers knowing that I had a little bit of knowledge about my country that was once foreign to them.

Overall, the group had no conflict with each other unlike any study abroad programs that I’ve heard of. The small number of first participants in this incredible journey luckily forced us to work together which created among us a strong bond. The only conflict that arose was a small disagreement about responsibilities and expectations from each person in the group. However, it was quickly remedied through an open group discussion during our quiz section. As a result, our group only became stronger because of the honesty and respect we offered to one another. It may seem like a cliché but honestly, I could not have asked for a better group to spend this summer with.